This post is dedicated to my nephew, Blake. I don't usually post about people outside my immediate family, however, I want to shine the light on him that he always deserved, though never wanted it here on earth.
Blake took his own life on February 9, 2024. He would have been 25 this September, about a month and a half after Jason's and my 25th wedding anniversary. My sister was well along in her pregnancy with him at our wedding and his older brother, sweet little Drew, was 2.
I stayed with my sister's family for a few months when Jason was at military training. I believe Blake was around 4. I remember one morning at breakfast, he and I started playing peek-a-boo. He hid his face below the table and would pop up with a big smile and we'd say, "peek-a-boo!" together. It became a mealtime tradition between the two of us. Almost every time we sat down across from each other we would play.
I always wanted my kids to come earlier than they did so they could be buddies with Karina's kids, but I never had any until about 6 months after Karina's 4th, Natalie. We were in California together when Victoria finally became old enough to interact with her cousins. Kade was a baby, so Victoria was almost 3. She really wanted to dance with someone, so Blake was the one she danced with. They held hands and danced to the Beauty and the Beast song. Blake would have been almost 8 and looked slightly uncomfortable, but he was willing to dance with her anyway. She called him her "cozy boy" on that trip. He was always so tender-hearted with all little ones, especially his baby siblings.
I remember when the McDonald family got their first cats as pets. I think Blake was mostly in charge of naming them, but I think Drew and Mariah helped as well- Blueberry and Blackberry. Blake always loved cats. He loved all pets, but especially cats. That's my kind of kid! He also played the violin, just like me, though he was tons better. They played a recording of him playing at his funeral when he was like 10 and he was super good! I was never that good.
As he got older, it was harder for me to get to know him, as is fairly common among teenage boys. I only saw their family once a year at the most and that was usually on a vacation somewhere fun. I know he loved all sports and sought thrilling activities. I was never good at interacting with teens, especially boys because I didn't have a lot of ways to relate to them. That's only slightly getting better now because I have my own children going through the teen years, but only recently teenage boys. I mostly wanted to make sure my nephews and nieces felt loved by me on their birthdays, so I always sent money and a card or a gift.
Another memory we have of Blake is when we went to Costa Rica for the first time and he got a horrible sunburn the first day he went surfing. Many of the kids got sunburnt, but he took the cake. Victoria sat at the same table with him for dinner that night and I have a picture of them with Mariah and Natalie looking very red and miserable. But I never heard him complain.
When I found out about his death, I immediately regretted not getting to know him better in his young adult years. I soon found out that I was not alone in that regret, even among his immediate family. While he loved his family and they loved him, he didn't feel comfortable opening up to them much. However, he had a solid group of friends with whom he did open up to and spent a lot of time with. They were like his family. He served them and had fun with them. I got to hear some beautiful stories about him from them in the days leading up to his funeral.
One of the hardest things about this is thinking about the pain he was going through in his mind. It makes me hurt. Also, the pain my sister and her husband are going through, as well as the rest of his siblings. Blake planned his death so that it would be the least painful to deal with for his family because he's just that kind of person. He never wanted to hurt anyone or ruffle any feathers. He also explicitly mentioned that the cats be taken care of. His window was always open and his door was always closed so the cats could come and go as they pleased without the dog entering and bothering them. They had all they needed in his room.
Blake's funeral was a celebration of his life. His beautiful anime art was displayed all over the room and all his family was wearing Vans shoes. He always wore Vans shoes and usually Vans clothes. I happened to be wearing one of my pairs when I traveled, so I opted to wear those for his viewing and funeral rather than my nicer shoes.
Blake is with his uncle Aaron McDonald, grandpa Andy McDonald, uncle Erik Anderson, and many, many other relatives and ancestors. May he rest in peace.
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| Lots of well-wishers delivered to the home. |
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| Koki was grieving with the rest of us. |
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| Some of Blake's art was displayed at the entryway of the viewing along with his favorite candy. |
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| There were pictures strung all along the room with more of his art displayed. He had designed and decorated this pair of Vans here. |
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| Layla is one of my brother's daughters. Her mom, my brother's wife, is an important employee of the funeral home that her dad owns. Larkin Mortuary is where the viewing and funeral services were held. |
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| The luncheon at the Rose Garden at Larkin Mortuary. |
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| Blake's resting place is at Orem Cemetary, right next to the Murdock trail where all the McDonalds exercise, as well as many other family members, including me. They can visit him often. |
